Check that cup for goat vomit before you drink from it.
Sorry, I wasn’t listening—I can’t stop thinking about my chickens who are over at the neighbor’s. What if Diane tries to serve grubs without cutting them in half, diagonally? I should call her.
In the end, at least I’ll know that I raised two great cows, and that gives me far more satisfaction than any job. That reminds me—how’s work?
It is crazy to me that she dresses her sheep in Bonpoint. Personally, I’m happy to dress mine in Old Navy. Let sheep be sheep, I say.
Wait till you see how fast Duckles scoots across the pond when I toss her some bread—a natural incentive to paddle quickly that all ducks respond to.
Sooo, Rodeo has been going through some stuff lately. Please don’t feel bad if she tries to bite you. And try not to show any fear—it sets off her anxiety, and she will spit on you.
Sometimes I feel sorry for people who don’t know the true, pure love of a domesticated turkey. I know, I know—you say you’re happy, but, if you just added a domesticated turkey to your life, trust me, before long, you’d want another domesticated turkey. Maybe two.
It’s nice of you to offer, but you don’t have any goats of your own, so I’d prefer to ask my parents—who last raised goats in the mid-nineteen-nineties and whose goat-raising style I have raged about for years—to look after mine.
Did you see Liv’s new llama? Do you think it’s cuter than my Poofs?
I’ll just say it—someday, they’re going to be at the police station bailing out Mr. Snuffles, and then they’ll wish they hadn’t let that bunny have all the carrots he wanted when he was five years old.
I, a thirty-seven-year-old person who majored in film, haven’t seen a movie not chosen by my oxen in more than five years.
Oh, we gave up bread because the doctor said it’s possible that Tobey the guinea pig is gluten intolerant. Yes, Tobey is three miles away visiting his grandparents—but still. I’d better not eat any bread, just in case.
When are you going to have a goose of your own? You’re not getting any younger. You don’t want to be fifty years old and raising a goose!
Do you think that Mary Jenner’s six-month-old alpaca has a better chance of getting into Harvard in 2040 than my seven-month-old alpaca?
Great news! Clara the donkey started pooping in the potty! ♦
