Wilderness Mentality/Holy Spirit Guidance


Exodus 15:22     then Moses led Israel from the Red Sea, and they went out into the wilderness of Shur; and they went three days in the wilderness and found no water.

Numbers 32:15     For if you turn away from following Him, He will once more abandon them in the wilderness, and you will destroy all these people.

1 Kings 19:9-21     Then he came there to a cave and lodged there; and behold, the work of the LORD came to him, and He said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”  He said, “I have been very zealous for the LORD, the God of hosts; for the sons of Israel have forsaken your covenant, torn down Your altars and killed Your prophets with the sword.  And I alone am left; and they seek my life to take it away.”  So, He said, “Go forth and stand on the mountain before the Lord.”  And behold, the LORD was passing by!  And a great and strong wind was rending the mountains and breaking in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind.  And after the wind and earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake.  After the earthquake, came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire.  And after the fire came a gentle whisper.  When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Matthew 4:1     Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil    (I will admit, I ‘read’ this several times BEFORE I actually say led by the Spirit…..with express purpose of ‘being tempted by Satan)    So it could blatantly show us if Jesus could resist temptations of hunger and thirst for 40 days and rebuke Satan with God’s words. . .we can certainly trust and do the same!

Mark 1:12-13     Immediately the Spirit impelled Him to go out into the wilderness.  And He was in the wilderness 40 days being tempted by Satan; and He was with the wild beasts, and the angels were ministering to Him.

John 16:33     I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.   But take heart!  I have overcome the world.

Romans 12:12    Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.     

James 1:2     Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance

James 1:12     Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

1 Peter 1:8-9     Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end results of your faith, the salvation of your souls.  

 

I am not very good at journaling.  I truly wish I was as I think it would be awesome to see the little areas of how God has worked in my life and in the lives of others close to me, that I’ve “forgotten.”  I remember the big things, but those smaller things are also leading to a goal and because I don’t journal well, I think I may have lost those details.

And I have journaled some, but not consistently.  And often, I will read over an entry from a year or more ago, and things have not advanced, and I feel deflated.  And it certainly is not just my hopes, dreams, wishes, and prayers, but those of others close to me.  They too are almost in the same situation as before.  They are still frustrated with job, with their home life, with children, with money issues—whatever.  And it makes me feel frustrated for them, and questioning ‘What IS your will for their life, Lord?’  I know you want forward movement, but WHAT?

Anyway, for someone who enjoys writing thoughts, stories, frustrations, growing spurts, I do Not like journalling.  But again, thinking back to where my life was at nineteen and what I had to go through and grow through for a few years, I would love to know my ACTUAL thoughts then.  I remember fear, but I don’t remember growth.  I remember support from many others, but uncertainty, anxiety, fear and stress was a big part of my life, but fear and danger overrode so much.  

I guess at the time, I didn’t even know all the verses which state God has a plan for ME.  He has chosen me to walk a path, He has a goal in mind and my path is clearly delineated, and I will be safe following His path.  But as a mass of quivering brain tissue filled with EVERY anxiety both real and imagined, I only hurried from place to place — to work, go to school, take care of my son and home, and try to supply our needs.  There was no future I could clearly discern, no confidence I was doing the right things for me, for my son, and no back up plan if I failed.  What would happen to my son if I failed?  Failure was a big option.  Big.  Because I didn’t know God had a plan, so how could I know I was on the right path, the right plan.

When God prompted me out of my pew that Sunday morning in 1973, my usual shy, and quiet person changed and took charge making my way over several pairs of legs to get to the center aisle, to move forward to accept the award—I choose Christ as MY savior!

Somehow, I felt all would be golden and problem free then.  Obviously, I had not read the verses when Jesus warned his disciples they would face problems and troubles….James, 1:2, James 1:12, 1 Peter 8:10, Romans 12:12, John 16:33. . . . Yeah, I had a LOT of growing to do!

The verse preached the day I accepted the invitation was Judges 6:36-40.  For several years, I lived my Christian life with the testing that Gideon did.   I have no idea how often God answered my “if….then…scenarios, but He finally said, “Enough. You have tested me, now it is time for you to grow.”  But I didn’t really know how to grow.  I know I loved God, but I was not in a bible teaching church, did not even know much about the bible.  (What I would give to have been raised in the south with a good bible background; unfortunately, my church background was NOT biblical, but certainly used fear tactics.  Anyway, that left me flummoxed.)   I was uncertain how to seek Him. . .

However, I was back living in the US and had friends who had found bible teaching churches, and found I had opportunities.  It was like shoe shopping—I had to find one that fit properly! 

At the same time, I was working as a home health nurse and was in different homes over several days, and many would be listening to different TV evangelists—Charles Stanley, Joyce Meyer, Dr. David Jeremiah.  As I was doing the patient’s care, I was being blessed by bible teaching and some explanations.

Although I had read the bible several times, probably half a dozen by then, I had little understanding of the “Torah”  I truly enjoyed Genesis, some of Exodus, but the Numbers, Leviticus….oh my aching head.  WHY do I need to read this??  Suddenly, Joyce Meyer was talking about the Israelites in the desert, whining to God AGAIN, and He said ‘you are still not getting it, now you can stay in the wilderness for 40 years’  The Wilderness was being Stuck in the Same Place; Not Moving Forward.   I must admit learning the journey from Egypt to the Promised Land could be accomplished in 11 days. . . .I was shocked to learn that piece of information. . . since it took them 40 years.  Wow!  Because they had no faith.

TIME TO RE-EXAMINE   How stuck are you, Kathleen?   Gulp!

But I did not journal that time period.  I don’t know, and I know I probably have forgotten a lot of the anxiety, stress, fear, and torment I went through.  I had a lot of support from family and friends, but I remember feeling as though I swam in a dark murky swamp a lot of the time—and I am NOT much of a swimmer at all in any regards.  I wish I had the journal, the thought processes, how many times maybe God scolded me, but I chose not to listen and follow—because I did not fully trust.

We are so foolish as we think we are in charge so often.  Shame on me—for many reasons.  But #1 for NOT trusting Him completely when I accepted the invitation; #2 for choosing to believe I was in charge when I never was; #3 even when I figured out I was not in charge, I did not fully hand over the reins; #4 when I did hand the reins over I fretted it was a mistake. . . ‘What if this failed, What if He did not come through, What if I was put in a worse place, What if I was sent to Ethiopia or Somalia or. . .or. . . then what would happen to my son?   Yes, my fears galloped forward with NO inkling God had chosen some country in Africa.   Instead, He had chosen I raise my son as a single mother.

You get the picture.  Anyway, now, I sit and wonder what the journals would say about that journey.  Would the journals show growth where my memory has forgotten the growing process, and just remembers the doubting?  But here I am, safe, sound, (well, fairly sound of mind for those who know me), but I am significantly blessed—and frequently make that claim, and I know I don’t remember all the struggles, even as I can claim rewards.  That is kind of sad.  If the journals were written, then they could portray the struggles, the accomplishments, the doubts, and the initial surprise when accomplishments were made. (WOW! Look what God has done!  Look what He gave me, encouraged me to do!)

There is little surprise for me when I advance and recognize it now. . . I have learned He’s got this and got it very well.  I just follow along, fat dumb and happy to oblige.

Lord, You have been there for me, and yet I haven’t marked all the steps.  I’m sorry for that.  I know many of the goals. . . I hope I can and have thanked you as I met the goals. . .but I didn’t record the progress, and for that I am sorry.  I’m sorry that my children and siblings can’t read the journey if they would like to; to know the prayers sent forward on their behalf, and the joy at the outcome at God’s answers.  So, sorry, Lord, I did not follow through to journal, but I can thank You for my progress and my joy; but I am unhappy that no one can read the details of my incredible journey with You.

Thank You, Lord for all you have done for me and ‘my Bellaviews.’

 

 

 

 

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