Nelson Mandela
“Belonging is a state of wholeness: the experience of being at home in the social, environmental, organizational, and cultural contexts of one's life. Belonging is a beloved community, rootedness in a place, a feeling of ownership in shared outcomes, and a sense of shared mission”.
This statement, found on the website of author and human rights activist Kim Samuel, underscores a fundamental principle that is essential in our world but is sorely lacking today. Samuel writes about such disaffection in her new book, On Belonging: Finding Connection in an Age of Isolation.
Not just a feeling
Samuel distinguishes loneliness, which she defines as "loneliness is a subjective feeling," albeit very real. "The difference of, with social isolation as I see it, is that that's an experience that can involve being alone, or it can involve being in a huge crowd of people. And it's that feeling that I don't belong, I'm not worthy." Samuel adds that isolation undermines an individual's sense of self; that is, they feel they lack agency, choice, and decision-making abilities because “someone else is doing it.”
Samuel, the founder of the Samuel Center for Social Connectedness, learned from Nelson Mandela that belonging is a human right. As she told me in an interview, when Samuel met Mandela, she asked if he had ever felt isolated. To her surprise, Mandela said, “No!” Even when he was in isolation for all those years as a prisoner on Robben Island? she asked. Mandela explained that he never felt alone because his fellow prisoners held to shared values and purpose that bound them together in the sense of community.
It was that conversation Samuel told me that changed her life. Mandela had shown her “how you can be physically cut off and not have your freedom and still be connected through this sense of purpose.”
How to connect
Samuel, who teaches widely, avoids being prescriptive. She got this advice from the poet Wendell Berry whom she interviewed for her book. He advised her to show rather than tell, which she does through the stories she shares and in her teaching. This approach allows individuals to avoid "should do it" and "want to do it." That sentiment gets to the heart of what it means to belong.
For example, diversity opens the door for the difference in the workplace but does not create inclusion. “I could bring someone into the room and give them a seat literally at the table. That's not inclusion." Inclusion occurs when they are genuinely "included." That means asking questions such as "Are they listened to? Are they permitted to speak in their own language? Are they able, able to draw on their own experiences? Are you really listening? Are you just paying lip service? That's real inclusion.”
Her friend, Ken Roth, long-time head of Human Rights Watch, told Samuel to "look at [belonging] as a tool that can be used to lift up a whole constellation of neglected rights.” When they truly belong, they create community. At the same time, members can look outside of their community and see those who are neglected and do not belong. Finding ways to include them in a greater society is foundational to social justice and equality.
Belonging is a central human value and, as such, is integral to our lives at home and work. Samuel said in a simple sentence, "Belonging means feeling at home wherever you are.”
Note: You can watch my full interview with Kim Samuel on my LinkedIn Live show, GRACE under pressure.
