36 Notebooks Are Scattered Around Wauwatosa for Thought-Jotting
Wauwatosa’s “All-City Read” program dropped 36 notebooks around town, each branded with “Authentic Tosa” on the cover. Everyone is invited to jot down their thoughts on the empty pages and look through what others have penned before them (which I can only hope will not be graphic depictions of male private parts, as often happens in these types of situations). Personally, I love this idea and I will be journeying westward to find one of these notebooks immediately. I plan to use a page to transcribe the opening of my novel, The Stallion That Couldn’t Be Tamed. I’ll give you all a taste:
“Archie Park was a handsome, young fellow of broad shoulder and sharp mind. Over his adolescent years, he had developed a reputation as something of a rapscallion, and when he rose proudly to his maturity, that reputation solidified into that of what one might call an intellectual playboy genius, but he was also very athletic and cool and did a lot of hero stuff. On the day this tale begins, young Archie found himself wrestling a bear…”
This is going to be my big break, I just know it.
Packers Stock Goes Back on Sale
The NFL approved a new sale of Packers stock this Wednesday. The team hasn’t confirmed that the sale is certain to happen, but if it does, it will be the sixth stock sale in Packers history and first since 2011. Back then, the shares cost $250 – this year’s potential price has not been announced. The money will be used for improvements at Lambeau Field.
As a financial man, I’m very excited to add the Packers to my portfolio. I’ve been hedging a lot of multi-sector investments across multiple sectors recently, so it’ll be good to boost my quarterly drop cap with some liquid seizure to make sure my dividends stay diversified, now that my cryptozoology portfolio’s been sub-optimum with the growth potential.
I use Robinhood.
A Young Bull Elk Search for Love in Wisconsin Rapids
People will go to great lengths to find love: swiping endlessly through the soul cancer that is Tinder, pretending to like Ed Sheeran, swallowing bleach in the hopes that the nurse with the stomach pump might be single. But it’s good to hear we’re not the only species afflicted with this madness. Young bull elk will wander for miles in search of mates, and one such elk was spotted this week roaming the streets of Wisconsin Rapids. The majestic, horned beast was photographed by multiple folks and caught on video by police officers on patrol. Is he still wandering the woodlands, searching fruitlessly, or did he find his lady somewhere out there? We’ll never know.
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A Bear Bites a Wisconsin Hunter, Who Has The Most Awesome Name Ever
Dalton Roach waited perched in the woods, the bow string tight against his fingers. Dalton Roach knew these trees. Trempealeau County was Dalton Roach, and Dalton Roach was Trempealeau County. His blood ran with its dirt, his soul sang its lonesome song. The wind whispered his name. “Dalton Roach,” and he grunted back in stoic chorus, “Yeah, that’s me.”
Dalton Roach spotted a darkness below his tree stand – a black bear wandering his way. Dalton Roach was not one to fear the animals of the forest. He was many things, Dalton Roach: a hunter, a minor league pitcher with the Springfield Cardinals, an enigma, a shadow a Roach named Dalton. The bear drew closer, and the two stared each other down in a moment of philosophic communion. I am Dalton Roach, said the eyes of Dalton Roach. And I am bear, said the eyes of the bear. And then it climbed up the tree and took a bite out of Dalton Roach’s back. “Ow,” said Dalton Roach. The bear climbed back down, lurking in the grasses below, and the minutes went by until eventually it left, and Dalton Roach left the forest to seek medical treatment. Dalton Roach was fine – the doctors thought he wouldn’t even have a scar – but he would never forget the day the forest he thought he knew so well turned upon him, cruel and malevolent, manifest in the bloody teeth of a black bear.
A Radio Tower Might Be Going up by Holy Hill
The beautiful, wooded view from Holy Hill in Washington County might be getting a big ol’ metal tower. The county is considering building a 320-foot communications tower there, and it doesn’t need the town’s approval to make it happen. The tower would be used for the countywide radio, which includes the police and fire departments, as well as EMTs and other public works folks. The townsfolk of Erin arguing that if the tower goes up it’ll ruin Holy Hill’s iconic view worse than I ruined my third marriage. There is still hope that the tower could be moved, but the new location has to be chosen before first frost, so the required environmental testing can be done at the new spot.
