BBrandt Jean hugs convicted murderer and former Dallas Police Officer Amber Guyger. (Tom Fox/The ... [+]
The image of a man hugging a woman in the courtroom stunned onlookers, and since it was on video, the hug has gone viral.
Brandt Jean was tightly embracing Amber Guyger, who had just been sentenced for the murder of Brandt's older brother, Botham. Guyger, an off-duty policewoman, had entered Botham Jean’s apartment and shot him. She claimed that she was confused and had thought she was in her own apartment and that Botham was an intruder. The jury didn't buy her alibi, and she was convicted of second-degree murder for ten years.
Brandt said in open court that he forgave the killer of his brother. " "If you truly are sorry — I know I can speak for myself — I, I forgive you. And I know if you go to God and ask Him, He will forgive you," he said. "I love you just like anyone else," he said. "I'm not going to say I hope you rot and die, just like my brother did. ... I personally want the best for you. Again, I love you as a person, and I don't wish anything bad on you.” Brandt asked Judge Tammy Kemp for permission to hug Guyger. Kemp agreed. It was an act that brought tears to her eyes as well as sobs from others in the courtroom.
Later, Jean's father, Bertrum, who wanted a longer sentence for Guyger, told CNN, "I felt the same way as Brandt. I wish I could've extended that same courtesy," he said. "I don't want to see her rot in hell. I don't want to see her rot in prison. I hope this will help her to change and recognize the damage, the hurt that our family's going through. So I wish her well, and I will pray for her family and pray for her as well."
What the courtroom and now the world witnessed what some would call a moment of grace. That sense of grace was so powerful that it enabled Brandt to forgive Guyger. He hoped that she could change in prison.
Emotions ran high throughout this case. A white policewoman shooting a black man draws a bead on the routine injustice that minorities receive within our judicial system. This time, however, the white police officer was convicted, but her sentence was perceived by some as too light. There were protests outside the courtroom.
The moment reminded me of another shooting that occurred in 2006 when a gunman barged into an Amish schoolhouse in Pennsylvania and killed five children. The grandfather of two of the girls who were slain said it was important to forgive the shooter. Even more remarkable, when donations arrived to the Amish community, they were put into fund to help educate the children of the gunman who had killed himself.
Mercy and forgiveness
What possesses someone so grievously harmed to be able to forgive is not for words. We can attribute it to an inner force, an inner spirit that allows them to show mercy and to forgive.
By no means does this happen often, but when it does as in the Bonjean case, it awakens something within us. I call it a moment of grace. Those in the faith-based traditions—Christian, Jewish, Islamic, Buddhism—know grace as a gift freely given. What the recipient does with it is a matter of personal choice.
It takes courage to forgive those who transgress us. It takes strength to hold back a rage that may arise from being wronged. And forgiveness is not wiping the slate clean. As the Jean family made clear, the killer must do time for her crime. But they want her to know that they will not bear a grudge.
Not all people who have been wronged can forgive so readily. All too often we almost expect victims, especially those of color, to be forgiving of their transgressors. This notion does a disservice to victims as well as all those good-hearted people who do forgive. People who have been harmed have earned the right to choose to forgive, or not.
Grace is not limited to people of faith. I like to think of it as the catalyst for the greater good. When we tap into it, we reach into a part of ourselves that enables us to do better for others, as well as ourselves.
Grace facilitates our willingness to show mercy when wronged. It enables us to forgive when wronged. And most importantly it steels our inner core so that we have the strength to act upon the better angels of our nature.
