The other day an executive with whom I was working asked me how he might connect more effectively with his team. Without hesitation, I said, “Show vulnerability.”
Vulnerability is a component of authenticity. While authenticity is the “real you,” vulnerability is that “you” naked – that is, who you are without artifice. There is nothing standing between you and those you supervise. It is the means by which you put yourself on the level of your employees.
One of the leading researchers into – as well as champions of – vulnerability in leadership, is Brene Brown Ph.D In her newest book, Dare to Lead, Dr. Brown writes, “The definition of vulnerability as the emotion that we experience during times of uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure” emerged from her research. Vulnerability is “the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome.”
When a leader demonstrates vulnerability, she enables three things to occur: approachability, likeability and respectability. Let’s take each one at a time.
Approachability is how you make yourself available to others. The most effective leaders are those who understand their role is to serve others. To truly serve, you must truly understand. Making yourself accessible to others enables you to have a conversation, to get to know someone on a more personal level.
Approachable leaders are those who connect authentically and as a result, they learn the honest truth about what’s going on in the organization. When a leader is approachable, he is throwing out the welcome mat. Doing so enables the leader to ask questions that produce honest replies, not pre-programmed responses.
Likeability is a factor that draws people to you. While it is not a leader’s job to be liked, it always helps if people regard you fondly. A likeable boss is one people want to follow, with being persuaded.
Consider likeability as the “3-in-One” oil that lubricates interactions within the workplace. It makes it easier to approach the boss because she is someone with whom you want to speak. When people perceive that you are straight with them, they will respond more honestly.
Respectability is essential to leadership. You cannot ask to be respected; you must earn it. You earn it by standing up for people when times are tough and when you invite them into the spotlight when things go right. Without respect, a manager is a boss. With respect, a manager can be a leader because people understand that he has their best interests at heart. A respected leader is a trusted leader.
So how can you engender vulnerability? It starts with the notion that as the leader you are responsibility for putting people into positions where they can succeed. Therefore, it is important to ask questions that elicit information, not put people on the defensive.
Adopt the air of curiosity. You want to know how people think and how you can put their brains to work for the good of the team. And finally, be humble. You succeed when others do. You may be smart, but you will be acting stupidly if you try to do things all by yourself.
One more thing: lighten up. A humble leader knows his shortcomings. Shine a light on them in ways that demonstrate you know your limitations. Make light of your foibles, quirks and routines. Doing so reveals your vulnerable self who is also a confident self.
A vulnerable leader facilitates the bonds of trust by making herself approachable, likeable and respectable.
