In discussing her new book, Leadership in Turbulent Times, Doris Kearns Goodwin has said that empathy is one of, if the not the best, attribute for leaders. Goodwin, a noted presidential historian, defines empathy as an ability to understand another’s point of view. That definition is correct as far as it goes, but when you dive more deeply empathy as defined by the psychological community is the ability to put yourself in the shoes of another.
Empathy as a mindset is exemplary. Strong leaders -- as those profiled by Kearns such as Teddy Roosevelt and Lyndon Johnson – could see another’s point of view. But they had the discipline, or perhaps ego, not to be misled by their feelings. Empathy as sentiment (aka sympathy) may be humane, but it can cause a leader to make poor decisions.
The difficulty with empathy arises when imagination falls into taking on the feelings of another, or worse, sympathizing with the other person. While that is a very human trait, it can be difficult for a leader because he or she must make decisions that are contrary to feelings. For example, if someone on your team is not pulling his weight, but you like him, it can be difficult for a highly empathic leader – after appropriate coaching -- to terminate that individual.
When a leader can see beyond his own point of view, she demonstrates a more rounded worldview. Such leaders know that their opinion is not the only opinion. Empathetic leaders seek out alternate views. They push their staffs not to respond in the affirmative, but to be open to debate on critical issues.
So how can a leader demonstrate empathy?
Think of yourself as part of the community, not THE entire community. The leaders Kearns profiles were self-absorbed. They understood that people opposed them. None more than Abraham Lincoln. Not only did he govern when the nation was split, but he also peopled his Cabinet with individuals who opposed him. Why? Because he knew he needed their perspective as well as their ideas to help him restore the Union.
Seek to understand (as Stephen Covey taught us) before you are understood. There is a tendency among senior leaders to feel entitled. It’s natural; after all, everyone defers to them. Operating that mindset will lead executives to dictate rather than communicate. Doing so precludes listening.
Welcome dissent over issues. Strong leaders have centeredness that allows them to radiate inner confidence. They do not feel threatened by opposing ideas. Rather they are energized by them. They want to debate ideas, not always to win, but to refine their ideas in ways that make them more acceptable and more effective.
Of course, too much empathy, like sympathy, can stymie timely decision-making. A leader who is concerned too much with the feelings of others will find it difficult to make hard decisions related to people regarding hiring, retention, promotion and termination. Undue deliberation can inhibit team growth.
Kearns cites Theodore Roosevelt as one whose sense of empathy developed over time, in part because Roosevelt cultivated relationships with people outside of his social class. This immersion gave him an ability to see how others thought, spoke and lived. In an essay, Roosevelt wrote that connecting with others’ “interests” could be difficult at first. But when common interest develops there is a real sense of “fellow-feeling which at first he had to stimulate, was really existent… and is capable of very healthy growth.”
"Followers,” as author and Harvard Business School professor Barbara Kellerman writes, “are more important to leaders than leaders are to followers.” Empathy is that connection that followers sense in a leader. Forget it at your peril.
