If you want to help, you first need to listen.
That is a philosophy that Father Greg Boyle, S.J., founder of Homeboy Industries in East Los Angeles, employs. “If you're humble, you'll ask the poor, what would help you? But if you're led by hubris, then you tell the poor, here's what your problem is; here's how you fix yourself.”
Homeboy Industries was founded more than 30 years ago as a means of providing employment to gang members in East LA. Few businesses would hire ex-gang members so Fr. Greg, Jesuit pastor of the Dolores Mission the poorest mission in the LA archdiocese, created a business to provide those jobs. Today Homeboy serves not just the neighborhood but all of Los Angeles County with its restaurants, coffee shops, bakery and even a tattoo removal clinic.
“Homeboy has sort of stayed humble in as much as it's listened to the formerly gang-involved and has responded at every turn.” It asks the question: “what can we do that is concretely helpful?” Fr. Greg told Terry Gross on NPR’s “Fresh Air.”
The minute you think you know how to help someone may also be the moment you get it wrong. Your intention is admirable but your approach may be wrong. No one likes to be told how to get better; they want to participate in the process. That begins with conversation, a discovery of what the other is feeling and how he or she can help in his own improvement, be it getting better at a job or recovering from addiction.
Managers, too, can learn from this approach. As the boss you set direction, but it is up to individuals on the team to perform the tasks necessary to do their jobs. A manager who is always hovering, say to help out, is doing nothing more than hindering the individual’s ability to learn. This is one reason why micromanaging is so destructive. It erodes an employee’s ability to learn and grow in the job.
Maintaining a sense of humility is essential to connecting to others more realistically. For some humility is the acknowledgement that you don’t have all the answers. An emerging leader may find that concept terrifying: if I don't know what to do, who does? In reality, people around you have the answers.
Often the best answers come from the people you serve, as it does with Homeboy Industries. Its tattoo removal clinic came about because ex-gang members wanted to remove tattoos no longer relevant to their current lives, and which in some instances may prevent them from getting hired. Removing a tattoo is a long and painful process but it can serve as a kind of rebirth.
Humility is that openness to others. It unfolds a pathway of service to others that is rooted in self-knowledge. You know there are obstacles greater than you can overcome individually but when you surrender a part of yourself to serving the team you belong to a community that just might surmount those obstacles.
Cultivating humility requires discipline, something effective leaders possess. Begin by reflecting on what you do well as well as what you need help doing. Examine mistakes you have made that have resulted in your not asking for help. Identify who can help you achieve team goals. Ask for help from those who know more than you do on a given topic. And finally, listen to what they say and help them put their good ideas into practice.
Knowing your shortcomings is not a limitation when you know how to listen.
NOTE: Readers interested in learning more about Father Greg Boyle and his work can check out his new memoir, Barking to the Choir: The Power of Radical Kinship.
