For better or worse, 13 Reasons Why has ignited A LOT of conversation about mental health and suicide. From critics saying the show is triggering and sends the wrong message to fans saying it opens up an important dialogue, the internet has been buzzing nonstop in the last few weeks with conversations about things we often shy away from. And with so much chatter, the show's own Tommy Dorfman, who plays Ryan Shaver, wants one thing to be clear: suicide is not selfish. In an interview with Teen Vogue, Tommy cleared up something that he thinks maybe 13 Reasons Why got wrong. But whether the show did it right or wrong, Tommy says the discussion that has come as a result of the show is only proof that this is a subject we need to be talking about.
What we need to stop doing, Tommy said, is making judgments about people who die by suicide — including calling it "selfish."
"We can make a lot of judgments about suicide and why people choose to do what they do," Tommy said. "I think, perhaps, something that's problematic about our show even, and hopefully this will be addressed moving forward, is that suicide is a selfish act, which I don't necessarily take that view and I don't advocates for suicide prevention to take that view. So, that's her story and her truth and at the end of the day, her choice. But, I think it continues to only further the point that it needs to be talked about more publicly and advocated for more."
As anti-suicide advocate MollyKate Cline pointed out in an op-ed for Teen Vogue, the show does fail to show the nuanced reasons that might lead to suicidal ideation, including mental illness. When you consider that many who have suicidal ideation also have mental illness, MollyKate shows how calling suicide selfish becomes problematic.
"We shouldn't forget that many people who die by suicide have mental health issues. 13 Reasons Why isn’t addressing depression or any other mental illness — in fact, they never mention those words once in the whole series," MollyKate wrote. "They do focus on the bullying that Hannah went through, and I’m here to say that if you are being bullied or feel depressed or anxious, reach out to a family member, friend, teacher, counselor, or hotline. 13 Reasons Why is increasing the stigma around mental illness by not directly addressing it and dancing around it. Instead, we should address our mental illness, or problems at school or at home."
While MollyKate says 13 Reasons Why acts as a guide of what not to do if you are having suicidal ideation, Tommy points out the show has already started some of those important conversations that the characters in the show should have had.
"I had a former peer of mine reach out who's now a middle school teacher. She said last week she came into class, and she teaches a choir, but the kids were talking about the show. They were talking about depression and suicide and sexual assault before class started. The whole class began this student-led discussion about these topics, just purely based on people having sort of binged the show over the weekend," Tommy said. "That to me is sort of, at the end of the day, the bigger picture, reason why we're doing what we're doing and why we're telling this story. I think it's really important because it is what goes on in high school. It went on in my high school. It does create a dialogue for people that maybe feel too ashamed to talk about it, whether their own experience or someone else or just sort of a general discussion about it."
But conversations around suicide and mental health aren't the only important ones being had as a result of the show. In addition to topics like sexual assault, the show also touches on sexuality. Tommy said there's a little nugget that any LGBTQ students watching the show may be able to identify with, and it has to do with the relationship between Tony and Tommy's character, Ryan.
"The relationship dynamic is funny 'cause it's sort of like ... I think this happens when you're in high school. I think people can relate to this. It's like if you're gay and you find one other gay person, it's like, 'All right, I guess we'll date, even though we're not compatible at all,'" Tommy said. "So, that's kind of how I felt about that relationship. But, they definitely have ... It's very subtle in the season. I think [that's] beautiful because it's not making a huge deal of it either. It's a thing that happened, that existed and no longer, at least at the moment. Where we leave off the end of season one, there's no plans for them to get back together. Tony has a new boyfriend sort of. But yeah, there was ... We had some really sweet scenes that didn't make the cut, which is too bad. But hopefully, there'll be more of that moving forward."
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or text Crisis Text Line at 741-741.
Editor's Note: This post was updated to clarify language about 13 Reasons Why.
Related: '13 Reasons Why' Star Tommy Dorfman on Semicolon Tattoos and the Show's Success
