As I stand in line outside the sorority house in the bitter cold of early January I can’t help but think for the thousandth time, “Why am I doing this?” As the fellow girls in line and I make small talk as we hop around in our alphabetized spots desperately attempting to stay warm, I think how disingenuous a process this is. We have been forced together because of the way our last names line up and we exchange smiles and words of encouragement even as we all internally acknowledge that as soon as those seven minutes are up and we file inside the doors of the sorority house, we are each other’s competition. The fact that we’re being judged on a five-minute conversation that feels more like an interview bothers me and makes my hands sweat with nerves, and yet I am here smiling, thinking of my answers to the same 10 questions they always ask, and hoping to see my top houses on my schedule tomorrow.
I never imagined myself as being a part of any sorority, let alone a “white" one. No one in my family had been a part of Greek life: National Pan-Hellenic Council (NPHC), Panhellenic Association (PHA), Interfraternity Conference (IFC), or otherwise. Greek life in my head was symbolized by the mansion-like sorority houses of the South, the ridiculous rush promotion videos that featured anywhere from zero to at most one woman of color, and a sea of pastel colors and Lilly Pulitzer. I only started seriously thinking about Greek life when I was invited to participate in an AKA [Alpha Kappa Alpha] cotillion. Although I ultimately didn’t participate I was introduced to a new type of sorority, one that I thought instead of pushing me farther away from my identity, would help me embrace it. Going into college I was still very unsure about if Greek life would be worth it for me, but when I imagined what it would look like if I decided to participate, it decidedly looked like a future of green, pink, pearls, and line dancing.
What finally convinced me to join Greek life was its inescapable presence on campus. Part of the surprise was due to the way that Northwestern was marketed to me during college visits and even during pre-orientation and during orientation week. Greek life was always described as a small part of campus. Something that wasn’t detrimental to you if you weren’t a part of it. Something that could easily be ignored, all of which I found to be untrue. Although Greek life isn’t as overwhelmingly important and prevalent as it is in many other schools I doubt that anyone, when asked to describe Greek life at Northwestern, would say it is anywhere near a small part of the campus community.
But not all Greek life has such an equally large presence on campus. Paradoxically NPHC sororities and overall black Greek life has an unsubstantial presence on campus. Almost all non-black Northwestern students are ignorant of the fact that black Greek life even exists on our campus, and the separation of “white Greek life” and “black Greek life” is one that is obvious, stark, and never challenged. Part of the reason that I ultimately decided to go through the process of Panhellenic Association’s rush process because I felt like I could get more out of my experience in a sorority in the PHA rather than an NPHC sorority. In addition to my belief that being in PHA can open many different doors for me, I think that while the PHA process can be confusing and seemingly incomprehensible there is still a level of transparency that is lacking in NPHC sororities. Being initiated into a NPHC sorority at Northwestern is a process that I didn’t even know how to begin. For many girls, the process is easier because they have mothers, aunts, or even sisters who have already been through the process and can give them insight into the process making NPHC a more feasible option.
Although I have often felt conflicted about my role in the Greek community I have not once regretted being a part of my PHA sorority. When I was going through rush I did doubt my decision many times. I felt as though I was betraying my identity and that I was trying to fit in somewhere I didn’t belong. I thought of my friends at other schools who were joining NPHC sororities and couldn’t help but think that I should be like them. But by the end of rush on bid night when I opened my envelope I was sure of my decision. The rush process worked for me and I have truly ended up where I am supposed to be surrounded by people who share the same values as me. My sisters have a similarly critical eye when it comes to Greek life and they don’t accept it as something inherently perfect. Although PHA can seem like it isn’t made for people of color I genuinely believe that my chapter is working to push the boundaries of inclusivity in Greek life, and it is intrinsically easier to create change from inside the system. Although PHA Greek life is an imperfect community I wouldn’t give up the new friendships and connections I have made with my sisters.
Related: What It’s Really Like to Be Black at a Predominantly White School
