It seems like just yesterday you were pining for your prepubescent summer camp boyfriend who had less sprouting armpit hairs than you. As Olivia Newton-John says, "Summer lovin', happened so fast."

Age 5
This co-ed day camp sure is exciting!! Wait — you mean, this friendship between Joey and me doesn't last forever? But he ate Play-Doh for me!!

Age 10–11
Why, look at you, shiny poster of a youthful pop star. We'll have a nice imaginary date tonight as I peck your glossy image good night. I hope you're this attractive a decade from now in case we meet! *Crosses fingers wistfully* I bet you'll never do drugs.

Age 12
Meet me behind the bunk after lights out! I'll wear my best training bra.

Age 13
Meet me behind the bunk after lights out! I'll wear my best actual bra because I have breasts now!

Age 14
Don't meet me anywhere because I just got my first period.

But seriously, even though everybody calls me Late Blooming Flower, I am a Woman now, so prepare yourself — I have desires, and we'll go to some of the bases on that metaphorical sexual baseball field before the summer is over.

Age 15
Here we are in your mother's basement. I feel really cool and independent right now. I'll let you roll your tongue around in my mouth like a ravenous sea lion and let you touch one of my breasts if you promise not to tell anybody when we go back to school in September. That's my job — I'll tell everyone.

Age 16
I really enjoyed meeting you on the beach during my family vacation. I had sooo much fun making out with you, and thank you for peeing on my leg when a jellyfish stung me. You were basically my hero. This week was a little too intense for me, but it was really meaningful. I learned sooo much about myself. And if you see my parents, don't tell them about the jellyfish. Friend me on Facebook?

Age 17
Since we're best friends, let's pretend we're in a teen movie circa 1999, lose our virginities to each other, and then slowly watch our friendship fade into awkward nothingness right before our senior year!

Age 18
I love you so much. This is going to last forever … until college!

Age 19
Look, ex-boyfriend from high school, this is strictly a summer thing. Now that we're both a year into college, we're super mature and can handle a strictly sexual relationship, so please ignore it when I send you a lot of sad emoji texts. *Sends text consisting entirely of emoji animals.*

Age 20
Your mother's basement has that same musty smell it had five years ago! Memories!! So, uh, that party was fun, but I had way too much Mike's Hard Lemonade. I'm pretty sure I enjoyed screwing you on that pull-out sofa — I'll never forget how prominent the squeaking sound was. But I think I'm gonna be an adult now and shed my high school years once and for all by focusing on guys I meet in college, so, uh … see ya?

Age 21
Listen, Pancho. I know that you don't speak a word of English since I met you during my summer abroad in South America, but I think we're going to have to end it when I go back to the States since you're not willing to get a visa or learn English.

Age 22
Now that I'm out of college, the summer makes me feel like there is hope for true love! Let me go to a bar and set up a Tinder account while not making eye contact with anyone whatsoever.

Age 23
Boy, this summer heat is making me feel ~*~PrOmisCuoUs~*~! I'll leave my bra at his apartment and parade home at 4 a.m.! Walk of shame? More like walk of pride! *Inserts headphones, puts on Beyoncé playlist*

Age 24
Boy, this summer heat is making me feel ~*~PrOmisCuoUs~*~! And by promiscuous, I mean ~*~SweATy~*~. I think I'll get naked as soon as I get to his apartment because I'm seriously sweating balls over here. He will never know the difference as I strip like rapid fire, and only I will know of my pit stains.

Age 25
Why yes, I'd love to come over for the night. You have air conditioning.

Age 26
I'll respond to your booty call text after I finish binge-watching the new season of Orange Is the New Black. I have needs.

Age 27
How many other weddings have you been to this summer? Do they all play "Brown Eyed Girl" if the bride is a brunette? Would you like to get it on in an inconspicuous fashion and then pretend that we've been each other's dates at this reception the whole time?

Age 28
The only summer fling I want is one with a large glass of rosé.

Age 29+
Thank you for not bringing up my lack of a fiancé or a baby. I have my own air conditioning and multiple vibrators; bring snacks and a cat?

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